Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
