I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
