Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
