I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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