My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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