You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize