You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
