i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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