Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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