In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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