hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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