I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
