I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
