Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
