I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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