When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
