He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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