Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
