So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
