Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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