i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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