she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
