my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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