so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
