I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize