i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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