my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
