You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
