you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
