I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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