Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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