She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
