apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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