I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
