Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
