He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize