i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
