i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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