You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
