he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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