i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
