The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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