no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need to align my fucking chakras
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