You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he thought i was a dude.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
