I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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