those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
