I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize