that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
