..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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