it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found the puke drawer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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