i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
