one two three fourrrrnication!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
