When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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