I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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