Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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