Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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