You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dicks are not precious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize