The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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