I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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