Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
