Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
