why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
