all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
