I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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