You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
