Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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