You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
