Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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