Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
