so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
