just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
