I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How does one acquire holy water?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
