I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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