brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would ride that face into the sunset
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
