SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize