i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
