His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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