i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
