Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
