they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So much rum. So many feels.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
