i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
