There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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