my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
