I hate all girls vehemently.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
