so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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