Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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