aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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