Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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