Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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