you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
