I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
