What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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