Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
