just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
