You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
