My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
