Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
