What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
