dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
