Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize